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"People and Other Aggravations"  Starting on Monday Starting on Monday, I'm living on carrots and bouillon. Starting on Monday I'm bidding the bagel adieu. I'm switching from Hersheys with almonds to gaunt and anemic, And people will ask me "Could that skinny person be you?" I'll count every calorie from squash (half a cup 47) To lifesaver (8), stalk of celery (5), pepper ring (2) Starting on Monday. Starting on Monday, I'll jog for a mile in the morning (That's after the sit-ups and push-ups and touching my toes) The gratification I once used to seek in lasagna I'll find on the day that I have to go buy smaller clothes. I'll turn my attention from infantile pleasures like chocolate To things like the song of a bird and the scent of a rose. Starting on Monday. But Tuesday a friend came for coffee and brought homemade muffins. And Wednesday I had to quit jogging because of my back On Thursday I read in the paper an excess of egg yolk Would clog up my vessels and certainly cause an attack. On Friday we ate at the neighbours; she always makes cream sauce And always gets sulky if people don't eat what she makes. On Saturday evening we went with the kids to a drive-in. I begged for water but all they were selling were shakes. On Sunday my stomach oozed over the top of my waistband, And filled with self-loathing I sought consolation in pie And the thought that Bill Gates could bribe me with yachts and with emeralds But still I'd refuse to taste even a single french fry.... Starting on Monday.    |
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